This past weekend presented two confluences of events. (Is that even a correct sentence?!)

I’m ending my sessions with my current therapist. I pick these people who are completing a one-year fellowship. I am not doing it a third time. It’s tiring telling my story again and again Of course the focus was on my continued weight gain. I think I’m over 350. And my brief journey into excessive drinking – coming home from work and enjoying a bottle of Trader Joe’s wine. Only during the weekdays; work is miserable (for everyone, not just me). And what my rock bottom will be. Gaining over 100 pounds in less than 2 years, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, seat belt extenders and breaking my couch didn’t seem to do the trick.

But yesterday I went on a day-long journey to find a bathing suit. Beach season is here and I still love to swim in the ocean no matter what size I am. As you can imagine, it didn’t go well. I barely (and often didn’t) fit into the largest sizes at Lane Bryant. There were no plus size bathing a suits at Macy’s. And maybe 4 at Kohl’s. I even went to Sears. I was stunned to see what my body had become. I didn’t recognize myself. And my feet hurt from all the walking. Then last night I met friends for dinner. A friend of mine got a new camera and was taking pictures and I saw one of me. Again, I didn’t recognize myself. And last night decided I’d had enough. No one is going to fix me but me. I miss being healthy and active. And another summer will pass without me getting up on the surfboard.

So today I bought lots of healthy food and spent several hours cooking and cutting. I took the dog on longer walks. And tomorrow I’m riding my bike to work again. I also bought a scale and a full-length mirror. I feel so removed from my body I think I need to weight myself everyday, at least for a little while. Tomorrow is the first weigh-in. I’m a little nervous.

My other confluence? At 12:30 this morning I took Psycho Pup out for his last bathroom break before bed. I can’t use my little backyard at night anymore because of the bunny population. Psycho Pup goes CRAZY, even though I can’t see anything. So there we were — across the street from my house in the grassy area with the parking meters — when I see something scurrying down the street; a bunny. He went crazy. Then my neighbor pulled into the driveway; more craziness. Finally, his arch nemesis: the old St. Bernard that lives around the corner, with her Marmaduke-like buddy. All within 15 seconds. I’m sure my neighbors are loving us. Good thing he’s a ridiculously cute dog.